Yea, you read that right.
I’m new to Bikram (hot) Yoga, but I consider myself an official yogi. And when I practice, I practice in shorts and a sports bra.
Yes, I have excess fat. I’m technically obese. My stomach is round and hangs down and I don’t care.
I was the fat girl who got teased in elementary school. The last time I weighed fewer than 200 lbs, I didn’t have acne yet. I weighed more than my fifth grade teacher and I have vivid memories of visiting the fat doctor in the second grade. So I guess you can say this is how I’ve always been or for as long as I can clearly remember. But this is not how I’m choosing to be forever. I want to have a slim body. Not bc I’ll be healthier, bc according to my doctor I’m in great shape. Not bc I’ll be prettier, bc according to my Facebook and Instagram likes and comments (lol) I’m pretty cute. But I wanna do it bc I don’t want to be defeated by ANYTHING. I want to do it just so that I can say that I did it and to encourage others that I can be done.
But to my original point, why do I practice yoga shirtless? People in bikram come in bikinis and swim trunks and I started out fully clothed in a room that’s around 105 degrees before we start moving. But just like I told my auntie when I was in second grade when she asked about my ballet and tap class, (yes, i did ballet. Shut up!) I have the BIGGEST thighs of anyone in the class. So I don’t feel comfortable dressing like everybody else but I practice shirtless because I want to prepare myself for my new body. I don’t want to go into my new body with the same forever fat girl mindset.
(that’s not my back btw)
I know that eventually I will have my new body, but since I’ve been obese for so long I’ve picked up some habits that women with slimmer bodies don’t have.
So now I make myself avoid the handicap restrooms. I make myself sit in the middle of rows in auditoriums. I try my hardest to not have an anxiety attack when I look at chairs that look flimsy.
I don’t wanna get my new body and keep my old habits. So I’m practicing now.
Claricha Explains It All 
I hesitate to write this because I don’t want to project my experience onto your brave sharing. So, first let me just say that I hear you! And thank you for sharing …BUT…I have to ask…why do you want a slim body? Or more importantly, why do you hate being fat? You said you don’t want anything to defeat you but if you are healthy, that’s ALL that matters. PERIOD. REALLY. TRULY. I thought I could avoid projecting, but nope, sorry, lol. So, I’ve played “Change your shape, Change your life” for the good part of my adulthood and I STILL play it from time to time (if I’m honest) so if I could spare ANYONE that anguish, I would, especially you because I love you so much. I am SO proud of you for practicing shirtless. I prance my big behind around in booty shorts in every studio I visit!!! As you know, it’s hotter than HE** in there!! And our bigger (and many times bendier) bodies have as much right to be out and about as the littler ones! LOL! But seriously…I just pray your bikram yoga journey will help you to see how beautiful your body is AS IS even as you mold it into something new and healthier, regardless of its size. I just hope that your something new is always motivated by a love and appreciation for the NOW because that’s all you’ve got anyway. Your “new” body will never satisfy you if your motivation isn’t rooted in love. That I know for sure. NAMASTE.
I just wanna do it for the sake of doing it. For really committing to such a long process to encourage ppl who are also in bigger bodies that it can be done.
Wow…what a brave share of what you experience that others may not even consider..I’m proud of you and encourage you on your journey of commitment…seek the strength of your Provider in all things and you will be at peace with yourself…in whatever body you are in!
Yessss!!!!
I started working out again yesterday, and I really haven’t been able to look in the mirror lately without cringing at the amount of weight that I have picked up. This morning was different, I looked in the mirror and I was content. I thought to myself, It’s ok because you won’t be this way forever. It reminded me of this post, and so I came back and read it again. Thanks! 🙂
Aww! Good luck on your journey!
Thank you!