Remain in Peace

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Dealing with death is weird because someone you’ve known all of your life is suddenly gone and you’re left to deal with the fact that they’re never coming back. 

You get lots of prayers and condolences and you expect sudden emotional outbursts when the death first happens. But no one really knows how to prepare to live normally after that. 

There’s really no blueprint to deal with moments like walking into work for a meeting and you hear “Disco Lady”. At that point, you have no choice but to acknowledge that it’s July 23, 2017 and your aunt, Johnnie Taylor’s number 1 fan, has been gone for 5 years today. 

No one really tells you about the times you have to walk yourself off the emotional ledge every time you see an older Black woman with a cane or walker and it makes your mourn your paternal and maternal grandmothers like they’ve just died. Like it hasn’t been almost 8 or 1.5 years, respectively.  

No one tells you that 11 months after watching your granny slowly pass away while in hospice care, that you’ll have to hear those words again. So you pre-mourn your uncle’s death for a few days then he silently goes. And after owning the same car for 5 years, it suddenly does things that you have to pay someone to fix when you know he could’ve fixed it over the phone. There’s no instructions to tell you how to keep fully functioning while you can smell him and you’re trying to ask and answer questions about the car’s situation. 

There are lots of things I don’t understand as I go through this grieving process. But I do know that peace is a place and He has a name. Since I’m left here to remain as they rest, I will remain in peace. 

6 thoughts on “Remain in Peace

  1. Taara

    I feel the same way … I was in a bake off on Saturday and I used my grandmother’s 7 up pound cake recipe … I messed the first one up and I didn’t know what I did wrong . But when I realized I couldn’t call grandmother to ask her for her help 🙁😢😢 …. I know how you feel ……

  2. Brittany

    I love this blog!!! I’m in tears reading cause I know exactly how u feel. I think exactly how you think in most cases ironically I’ll be in a store and johnnie Taylor starts playing and after I’m done singing I find myself and terrible disbelief that I really lost my mother 5 years ago and how this can’t be life for me. Not to long ago an older lady sat by me in the nail shop and told me my nails were so pretty and was talking to me all I can think of was conversations I use to have with my dear old lady (granny) and I left out mourning the fact that my granny literally died out of nowhere… i recently just got a new car and before when I wanted to see what was going on with my old car I cried so hard because I knew uncle wayne could just tell me over the phone. I miss all of them .

  3. This is deep and I’m sure needed. Death can affect you in so many ways and too often we are unsure how to handle it. There’s no handbook and definetly no one way to understanding. You’re in my thoughts

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