Dealing with death is weird because someone you’ve known all of your life is suddenly gone and you’re left to deal with the fact that they’re never coming back.
You get lots of prayers and condolences and you expect sudden emotional outbursts when the death first happens. But no one really knows how to prepare to live normally after that.
There’s really no blueprint to deal with moments like walking into work for a meeting and you hear “Disco Lady”. At that point, you have no choice but to acknowledge that it’s July 23, 2017 and your aunt, Johnnie Taylor’s number 1 fan, has been gone for 5 years today.
No one really tells you about the times you have to walk yourself off the emotional ledge every time you see an older Black woman with a cane or walker and it makes your mourn your paternal and maternal grandmothers like they’ve just died. Like it hasn’t been almost 8 or 1.5 years, respectively.
No one tells you that 11 months after watching your granny slowly pass away while in hospice care, that you’ll have to hear those words again. So you pre-mourn your uncle’s death for a few days then he silently goes. And after owning the same car for 5 years, it suddenly does things that you have to pay someone to fix when you know he could’ve fixed it over the phone. There’s no instructions to tell you how to keep fully functioning while you can smell him and you’re trying to ask and answer questions about the car’s situation.
There are lots of things I don’t understand as I go through this grieving process. But I do know that peace is a place and He has a name. Since I’m left here to remain as they rest, I will remain in peace.