CAE to CAF 7: Still Grieving

Fun fact about me: I started this blog because I was heartbroken. I needed a safe space to express myself and no one who knew me personally felt safe at the time.

So if you go through blogs from 2014, you’ll have a bit more context about the series of posts that are relationship advice, encouragement to move on, and pieces about God answering prayers to heal.

It was during that season that I said to God, “if it’s not Your will for me to have a partner and I’m going to be single for the rest of my life, then I want to be happy. I don’t want to be content. I want to be happy.”

It’s been about 5 years since that day and since I have been intentional about enjoying my life. I became my own best friend.

Found my favorite pastime, karaoke, during this time. I realized how much I love reading!!! I started going to the library to spend time away from my residence. Then I started checking out books and I devoured each one. I noticed that it’s actually pretty cool to go to the movies alone because no one asks questions. Choosing a place to eat is SUPER easy when you’re the only one you have to please. Going into a space and no one asks, “Where’s ____?” is very rewarding. I spent a tremendous amount of time building my resume. I traveled to Tennessee to be with my CDF Freedom School Family several times. I went to Israel. I’ve been on two cruises where I spent most of my time exploring alone. I helped build a house in Tijuana. I visited churches. I started some businesses. I finished two masters programs. I bought a new car without a co-signer.

All of this to say, I’m grieving my singleness. I’m gonna miss just doing me. I was starting to feel chained. My dear best friend/almost husband said to me, “You aren’t chained, you are anchored.” And that’s new for me.

But it’s dope. There it is, acceptance.