I recently heard somebody say that it’s important to deal with the issues in your life bc when you don’t they will become recurring themes. The people or details involved might change, but the problem will persist until you choose to confront the issue at its root.
I started school a year early so I was always younger than my classmates. (In case you don’t remember, in elementary school one year is a BIG difference.) I was taller than most of my classmates growing up and I excelled academically. It got really annoying to hear people be surprised by my age because of my appearance and my intellect.
Fast forward to today. I’m in graduate school. My program is in a cohort format so I’ve taken every class with the same group of women since 2012. We know each other pretty well and we have a great time. In class discussions, I hold my own. I share my opinions and I’m very articulate. In serious matters, I make sure that my words come out sounding like they are well thought out. I’ve had a few professors admit to being positively shocked by some of the things I’ve shared.
I started reading a book a week ago that has caused me to do some deep introspection about my past and how it’s playing out in my present. Part of the reason that I perform the way I do in my cohort is because I’m insecure about being the youngest. There’s one woman who is a year older than me. The one closest in age to her is 7 years older. Another is over a decade older. The other half of the women in my cohort graduated from high school before I was born.
Being hyper aware of my youth has been a part of my life since I was 4 years old. It is still driving many of my choices today. I think it’s time I let it go.
Your turn. Look back. See what’s there. Figure out what’s lingering and why. Then, let it go.
The most impactful thing anyone has said to me as of late was while I was really pouring my heart out about how I feel about myself and my life.
She said “Not to discredit your experience, but it’s not special. That happens to everybody.”
I’m not gonna hold you up at first I was extremely offended, but the more I think about it the more I understand it.
A few years ago I blogged about how I learned that the enemy’s strongest weapon (in my experience and observation) is making ppl feel isolated in their struggle. When #MaskOff (A Social Media Ministry on Instagram) first started so many ppl responded with sentiments like “wow, thank you for sharing. I thought it was just me.”
Suffering is even harder when you think you’re alone in it. Tell your story to ppl. Eventually you’ll see you’re not as special or alone as you thought.
If you don’t know anything about the mechanics of cars, when yours breaks down you take it to someone who knows what they’re doing.
When your computer starts doing weird things you take it to a computer store because hopefully there’ll be someone there who knows how to fix it.
When something goes wrong with your kitchen sink, you call someone who knows about kitchen sinks.
When your life is in shambles, you try to fix it yourself.
Why? Are you the giver or maker of life? Do you *really* know how it works?
When you make a mistake, learn from it but don’t try to fix it. Most of the time you’ll be making moves based on the same limited perspective that got you into the original predicament.
Life will always happen the way it’s supposed to.
Relax, live, learn, apply and only look back BRIEFLY to see how far you’ve come.
Imagine for a second that you just got a new job and you set up your direct deposit. Then after your payments should’ve started you realize it’s not going into your account. So you check the paperwork and find out that you put in the wrong bank account number and someone else has been getting all of the money you worked for.
But it’s no big deal because you enjoy your job and you’re just living in the moment and you don’t really care about getting anything out of it but the experience, right?
Immediately, you’d fix that because you want what’s yours and would never knowingly deposit everything you worked for in someone else’s account.
That’s similar to what happens when you’re in a relationship with someone you know you are not going to marry. You’re pouring into that person. Spending time, money and resources and sharing yourself. There’s nothing “wrong” with loving someone who isn’t your future spouse, but realize that you’re making deposits that you will never get back because you knowingly made the mistake of staying and decided not to fix it.
Just like you’d be if you found out that other person was spending your money from your job, you’re gonna be super salty when you see someone else reap the benefits of a relationship you never should have been in.
If you wouldn’t waste your money, you shouldn’t waste your time.
When I was a freshman at Michigan State, I had a professor from New York who said he couldn’t get used to the gloominess of Michigan. Since I heard him say that, I haven’t been able to argue it. Prior to him saying it though, I never noticed how often we didn’t see the sun.
No wonder Michigan has been ranked amongst the most depressing states to live in! It’s a proven fact that the sun makes people feel better. It provides us with Vitamin D (energy). It cures depression, lowers blood pressure and strengthens our immune systems. There’s no denying that being able to see the sun positively affects the quality of our lives. Yet we go through seasons when we can’t really feel or see the effects of the sun.
The sun never stops shining, even in the coldest winters (like the one we’re dealing with now.) The sun hasn’t relinquished its spot in the universe even though this winter has been brutal. In the Spring and Summer we will feel it again.
In the darkest, gloomiest, coldest winter the Son is there. Some seasons of your life make it easier to see and feel Him. Choose to allow your belief to be stronger than your feelings.
Why is that any time Job’s wife is mentioned she’s always seen as an irrational person?? I mean, let’s look at it from her perspective.
In a short span of time, Job lost all of his possessions AND his children. I’m sure this was devastating and it probably made his already failing health even worse. However, everything that Job owned also belonged to his wife! She too lost everything she had! And she didn’t even have a spouse to console her in the midst of her life shattering turmoil, bc she was losing him too.
Job had been living right and he had a great relationship with God which is why he was able to go through the illness and the losses, but his wife didn’t have the same reputation. So Job, who was strong and confident in the Lord, had to remind her who she was. I don’t think she was foolish she was spiritually and physically weakened.
I think we forget that she had been his primary caretaker throughout everything. And just watching my dad take care of my mom over the past month just from a knee surgery I can see that it can be VERY taxing on a spouse who truly love his/her partner.
So maybe she was speaking in a way that wasn’t consistent with her character, but from what I hear, love can do that to a person.
(This is an old blog from 2012.)
One day, I was in the car with my sister and brother (Tan and Tyrone). Ty had just bought an old Mary Mary CD (Incredible) so we were listening to it during our ride. There’s a song on it entitled “Little Girl”. It’s a song that’s supposed to encourage young teenage girls to see their beauty and love it. As it played, I closed my eyes and envisioned my 13 year old self and inwardly I apologized to her for ignoring her feelings and making her pretend to be perfect and unmoved by her life.
I told her I was sorry for not giving her the chance to love the 200 lb body she had. I reminded her that she’s pretty even with all the acne. And I told her that even if none of the boys at school wanted to be her boyfriend, she’s still pretty and an amazing person who deserves to be treasured.
I actually shed a tear when I saw her response to the final thing I told her. I simply said, “I understand completely. I see through the façade and I care about the real you.”
The picture that came to my mind was of me at my 13th birthday party. As my 23rd birthday is nearing I have decided to deal with the issues I’ve buried for so long. Like many girls, I dealt with a lot of body image problems. However, I never felt like I had the platform to discuss it with anyone bc I thought they couldn’t understand. I wouldn’t even admit to myself that I was bothered. I decided to focus on my good characteristics. I capitalized on the fact that I excelled in school. I completely ignored my emotions, publicly. But as a teenager, many nights I cried myself to sleep. I was so displeased with my life and I didn’t want to taint my image so I kept it to myself.
Now, I’m wise enough to know that that was just a tactic of the devil to isolate me and make me feel like no one was invested in me. But as miserable as I was, I don’t regret one tear filled night. 10 years later, I have a testimony and a great appreciation for every woe.
I encourage you to acknowledge your past hurts. Reconcile with your inner child and be healed, in Jesus’s name.