This Is Us, But Mainly Kate

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This Is Us is the best show I’ve ever seen. I know that sounds extra, but I’m pretty sure I’m telling the truth. The show follows the lives of three adult siblings with complicated lives. 

I have a DEEP appreciation for amazing portrayal the Black character, Randall. His backstory, his current story, his family #Swoon. The whole show could just be about his family and I would still be as invested.

As much as I love all the richness that is Randall and Beth Pearson, I can’t help but admit how much Kate’s subplot speaks loudly to a fat girl in me who is constantly healing.

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All the people reading this who relate to this scale moment, exhale. You’re not on the scale in front of people any more. It’s ok. I totally get how seeing this pic could cause anxiety, but breathe. OhCAE… moving on.

Recently, I’ve reached a new place in my weight loss journey. Or maybe we could call it my journey to changing my relationship with my body. In a 2010s world of body positivity there are still women like me and Kate who grew up in a world that hated fat people. It’s hard to not internalize some of that hate. It’s SUPER hard to push some of it out when it’s been part of a person for so long.

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Look at kiddo Kate in her Care Bears bikini! Cute! She’s 8 and hasn’t learned to see herself through other’s eyes yet. I have a bikini pic from around the same age and size. (I’ll find it and update this later, maybe.) In the pic, I was having a super fun time at Wheels Inn. (RIP Wheels)

Pig Kate

So here’s Kate enjoying her life with her bikini, then her friends laugh at her and explain that they no longer want to be friends because she looks like a pig. This, of course, devastates her. But it’s not just the note. It’s a combination of the note and her mom’s constant pressure for her to lose weight. She makes her eat cantaloupe while her brothers eat sugary cereal. 

People wrap their encouragement to lose weight in fake concern for fat people’s health, but never discuss health choices with trash eating people in slim bodies. Kate couldn’t eat what she wanted, but her brothers could even though it wasn’t good for them. 

Now, lemme clarify. This isn’t my story. But I definitely know how lonely it can be to feel like you’re the only kid you ever see who has to be concerned with food intake. It’s an unfortunate and sobering moment to realize you’re a 7 year old and sitting at a fat doctor. Going to your pediatrician because you have a cold and he scoffs when your dad asks if it’s safe for you to take the prescription at 11 because “she’s 200 pounds” is an unforgettable experience.

Thinking about this stuff makes me reassess why I’m so comfortable only acknowledging Randall’s family line. Randall’s life reminds me of the current me. The one who has taken my trials and built the life I want despite the difficulties. Kate’s inability to move beyond her childhood hurts makes me face the fact that I still have work to do to heal little Cae.

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God’s Gene Redeems

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Every time my knee hurts, I think about my mom and everyone else in my family with arthritis and any other health issue that is genetic. Instead of accepting that as my destiny as well, I remind myself that I have a new DNA. Arthritis runs in my blood, but there are no diseases in the blood of Jesus.
Sickness is not my inheritance. With His stripes, I am healed.

*i snagged this post from my tumblr blog. I think I stole the title from one of my pastor’s sermons in 2011.*

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Photo cred: wakethesilence.deviantart.com/art/By-His-stripes-we-are-healed-41556439

It Was Never Even A Thought

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I finished a book recently that I really enjoyed. It’s called John 3:16 and is written by Nancy Moser.

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One of the subplots features a couple who can’t get pregnant and during all their infertility woes they find out the husband’s mother has cancer.

I won’t tell their whole story, but I will spoil part of the ending. At the end, the mom calls the whole family over with some news that she wanted to share with everyone at once. The wife, whose perspective we read throughout the book, braces herself to find out the chemo didn’t work and how long the mom had to live. I braced myself for the same thing.

When they got there the mom made her announcement. She was cancer free. The doctors were shocked. It was a miracle.

I was excited because I had really become invested in the characters’ lives, but then I was confused. I was confused because I didn’t know why I was bracing myself to find out she was about to die. They hosted prayer meetings and it was clear that the mother was a woman of faith, but I didn’t believe she was going to be healed. It was never even a thought that she might live.

In my real life, I struggle to believe that God is really Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. When I find out someone is sick, instead of proclaiming Isaiah 53:5 “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” I start saying things like “Lord if it’s your will…” Or “Holy Spirit be a comforter. Help me to prepare for what’s coming.”

Science is really cool because of all the amazing things they’re able to make and fix. But I realize that it limits my ability to be a person of faith. Because I put total trust in doctors, medicines and treatments to make others feel better and I’m comfortable bragging about my mustard seed faith in God to be a healer.

This isn’t to discredit doctors, science or medicine because I totally respect the field. However, the book showed me how easily I’ll believe in the understandable things before my God.

I gotta do better because before there were scientific advances, there was the Word. From now on, I will expect miracles before I brace myself for death.

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Photo cred: novelreviews.blogspot.com/2008/11/nancy-mosers-john-316-reviewed.html?m=1
http://www.christianstatements.com/proddetail.php?prod=SCR251