Free People, Free People

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The other morning, I woke up with some special people on my mind. Those people are people like me who never fit into gender stereotypes and have felt less womanly or manly because of it. So, like most millennials I took to Facebook to express.

It was a stream of thoughts. I’m gonna post them here the same way I posted them on my profile.

If your kid cries a lot, try saying “use your words” instead of “stop crying.”
1. It’s ok to express emotions.
2. Tell them what you want instead of what you don’t want.

Your son has tear ducts. He’s supposed to cry sometimes. That doesn’t make him like a girl because he does it.

Let’s agree to stop using “like a girl” as an insult to little boys who we want to grow up and respect girls and women.

Playing with dolls and enjoying hanging with girls doesn’t make a boy gay. Stop listening to your emotionally inept family members.

If doll play is so damaging, girls shouldn’t play with them either. A four year old girl doesn’t “need” to practice mothering either.

Let’s raise children who don’t have to heal from their childhoods.

Respect =/= fear.
Take that out of your parenting tool belt.

The things that damaged you as a kid will probably be harmful to your children. Break the cycle.

Learn your child’s love language and love them how they need to be loved.

You can prepare your son for the harsh realities of the world without crushing his spirit. In fact, you should.

Let that boy play with dolls. You might have a playwright in your womb if you don’t extinguish the gift.

Let your daughter play basketball if she wants. I know it sucks, but odds are she wouldn’t grow up to be a princess anyway.

This morning’s messages come to you from a woman who hates dresses and who hated dolls and who has spent literal decades (20 of my 28 years) trying to figure out how to perform “girl.” Ever since a girl told me that girls don’t play the drums when I taught myself. Her words coupled with the stares I received until I started again at 25 (thank God for my time spent at Shekinah) crippled me.

Your words have power and they shape your children’s lives.
Your silence is also meaningful.

I woke up feeling liberated this morning so I thought I’d pass that on.
Free people free people.

“This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with y’all.” India.Arie

The Same People Who

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The people who say carrying a gun is a fundamental right are the same people who think having healthcare is a luxury.  

The people who say adoption is a viable solution to abortion are worried about preserving their family line and are grossly unaware of the fact that millions of babies are aborted yearly compared to the hundreds of thousands who get adopted. 

The people who say they dedicate their lives to saving the ozone are the ones who say it’s ok to kill unborn babies. 

The people who say they are representatives of Christ are often the first to blame poor people for their situations and systematically victimize the “least of these.”

The people who say that science backs up everything about their world view ignore science when it comes to someone’s gender identity. 

 The people who say Mike Brown got what he deserved tend to be the same ones who can’t comprehend why Cosby’s alleged victims took so long to come out.  

The people who say they can forget their pasts because they have been forgiven are the same ones who never lovingly tell others forgiveness is available for them. Instead, they hold up signs to let people know that their god hates fags. 

  
The people who say everybody should feel free to express themselves as they see fit are the ones who get the most offended when I end a corporate prayer by saying “in Jesus’s name.”

The people who say all babies should be born tend to be the ones who ignore the fact that most aborted babies are aborted by women who will end up on welfare so that they can then complain that those women shouldn’t have children they can’t afford. 

“All lives matter!” Shout my conservative Christian friends until they are asked to show GENUINE love to their LGBT or Muslim neighbors. 

  
The same people who yell forgive the murderer every time a racist kills a Black person or 9, are the ones up in arms and completely pissed today because same sex couples can legally marry.

Liberals be like “Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get one.”Why can’t the same logical be applied to prayer in schools? Don’t wanna pray? Don’t. If you don’t believe in it, how does it hurt you? 

  
  

I can never be wholeheartedly liberal or conservative. 

Left wing. Right wing. Same bird.

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This will be a living blog. I could go on forever about the hypocrisy I see in both liberals and conservatives. 

It’s rude to YOU, not to them, because it’s normal there.

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Different cultures do and accept different things. Seems obvious, right? But for most people it isn’t.

During my freshman year of college, I was conversing with two friends about a proposal that was on the table at my school. A group of students wanted to make all the restrooms unisex so that transgendered students wouldn’t have to be forced to go to restrooms they didn’t feel comfortable in because of their outer appearances. My friends were completely against the idea of unisex bathrooms.

“So Claricha,” my male friend started, “you’d be okay with me being in the bathroom while you’re taking a shower?” He asked.
“No, because I’d be naked. But that’s totally different from you peeing in a stall next to mine. You guys only think it’s weird because you’ve grown up that way. If the norm was unisex bathrooms, you would think it was weird to have them separated by sex.” All these years later that conversation popped in my head when I was in Israel and this happened.

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Wouldja look at that? A unisex bathroom and nobody bats an eye because it’s normal there.

**Enter an ear piercing scream here**
That’s what one of the ladies I was on the trip let out when a stray cat rubbed against her leg while we were eating at an indoor restaurant.
We all laughed at her. The others at the restaurant didn’t even notice the cat because it’s normal there.

Speaking of restaurants, I went out with some others last night and got some yummy ice cream. We sat down at the tables outside of the sandwich place next door. We were asked to leave though. Why? “Milk and meat, it’s not kosher.” You can’t have dairy products served with meat. Crazy. You’ll never be able to have a cheeseburger or a chicken caesar salad with Parmesan cheese. That’s so weird to me, but it’s normal there.

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No milkshakes with my McChicken?! Malarkey!

I wanted to take a pic every time I saw a smoker especially the one who couldn’t have been older than 13 or the ones smoking in the restaurant. But I didn’t because no one else was taking pics of them. Because it’s normal there.

In America, we have all kinds of initiatives making smoking in public illegal because we don’t want our rights to clean air infringed upon by others. In fact, we think it’s rude when people do that. So as we walked through different cities in Israel, I heard a few people comment on how rude it was for the smokers to smoke in restaurants or near others. But guys, you have to remember it’s rude to YOU, not to them because it’s normal there.

Kanye, It’s Not Just George Bush

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“In 2011, more than half of the children entering foster care in the U.S. were children of color.
Black or African American children are disproportionately more likely than other children to be reported, investigated, substantiated, and placed in foster care.
Twenty-seven percent of the children in foster care are African American, double the percent of African American children in the population in America.
Children of color, especially black children, and often American Indian children, face significant disparity within the child welfare system. They are more likely to have longer placements in out-of-home care, are less likely to receive comprehensive services, and are less likely to reunify with their families than white children.” (I can’t find the exact source of this quote, but it comes from this site which focuses on defending the rights of children.)

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I had this one professor who always talked about her children. She talked about her four “homegrown” children as well as her four adopted children. From the way she described their relationships, she loved them all the same.
She is white. Some of her adopted children are not. She has a sister who could not conceive so she too opted to adopt. She told us that her mother loves all of their children, but when she introduces them to others she makes sure to differentiate between her biological grandchildren and adopted ones. It doesn’t bother her much, but her sister hates it.
Of all the children they adopted between the two of them, seven, none of them are Black. And according to her this was on purpose.
She said that she would love them just the same as she does the ones she birthed. She would have held them to the same standards as her other children without question. So I had to know why she had not adopted any Black kids because according to the stats, there’s a much larger pool.

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The answer was simple, although she’d love them wholly, her mother wouldn’t.
Families like this can help us to shine the light on a problem we try desperately to ignore. Americans, on the whole, don’t like Black people.

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Do you think I’m being too harsh when I say that?
Well… Let’s take the lesbian couple that made a big splash earlier this year when they sued a sperm bank because they got the wrong sperm. One of the partners was impregnated and they wanted the children to be biologically related to each other and for one to be related to each of the partners. So they contacted the bank so that the other partner could get impregnated with sperm from the same man, but they found out it had been mislabeled and the sperm they had received came from a Black man. According to what I’ve read, they totally love their biracial baby, but they are upset because 1. That’s not what they paid for. 2. Now they have to move because they know their rural town is not going to accept a Black child and they want to be around ppl who can help with things like her hair and culture…
#Pause you’re telling me that this close minded community accepts a lesbian couple, but will have problems with a biracial child?

Ok. Maybe you’re still not convinced.
You do know that the KKK still exists, right?
You do know that White people are more likely to use and possess illegal drugs, but people of color are more likely to be in prison for it?
You do know that White on White, Latino on Latino, any race on that race crime is just prevalent as Black on Black crime, right? But “Black on Black Crime” is the only one that is a term that you actually hear.

If you don’t believe me still just go on Facebook and read the comments on any article or video about race. The trolls will show you that racism is alive and thriving and that Black people are often the target.

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Here’s an entire article dedicated to showing how White SUSPECTS are treated better by media than Black VICTIMS.
We have to stop denying the existence of the prevalence of negative thoughts about Black people. Our communities are suffering. Our country is suffering. Our children are suffering. Shine the light on this issue so that we can deal with it. Too many babies have been born into families that courts deem unfit for raising them. Let’s give them a fighting chance and adopt them. Give them a home. You’ve seen the horrifying statistics and when these kids age out of the system, the stats say that things only get worse for them. Be the change. Share the love. Adopt a child.

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