This Is Us, But Mainly Kate

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This Is Us is the best show I’ve ever seen. I know that sounds extra, but I’m pretty sure I’m telling the truth. The show follows the lives of three adult siblings with complicated lives. 

I have a DEEP appreciation for amazing portrayal the Black character, Randall. His backstory, his current story, his family #Swoon. The whole show could just be about his family and I would still be as invested.

As much as I love all the richness that is Randall and Beth Pearson, I can’t help but admit how much Kate’s subplot speaks loudly to a fat girl in me who is constantly healing.

This Is Us - Season 1

All the people reading this who relate to this scale moment, exhale. You’re not on the scale in front of people any more. It’s ok. I totally get how seeing this pic could cause anxiety, but breathe. OhCAE… moving on.

Recently, I’ve reached a new place in my weight loss journey. Or maybe we could call it my journey to changing my relationship with my body. In a 2010s world of body positivity there are still women like me and Kate who grew up in a world that hated fat people. It’s hard to not internalize some of that hate. It’s SUPER hard to push some of it out when it’s been part of a person for so long.

Kate bikini

Look at kiddo Kate in her Care Bears bikini! Cute! She’s 8 and hasn’t learned to see herself through other’s eyes yet. I have a bikini pic from around the same age and size. (I’ll find it and update this later, maybe.) In the pic, I was having a super fun time at Wheels Inn. (RIP Wheels)

Pig Kate

So here’s Kate enjoying her life with her bikini, then her friends laugh at her and explain that they no longer want to be friends because she looks like a pig. This, of course, devastates her. But it’s not just the note. It’s a combination of the note and her mom’s constant pressure for her to lose weight. She makes her eat cantaloupe while her brothers eat sugary cereal. 

People wrap their encouragement to lose weight in fake concern for fat people’s health, but never discuss health choices with trash eating people in slim bodies. Kate couldn’t eat what she wanted, but her brothers could even though it wasn’t good for them. 

Now, lemme clarify. This isn’t my story. But I definitely know how lonely it can be to feel like you’re the only kid you ever see who has to be concerned with food intake. It’s an unfortunate and sobering moment to realize you’re a 7 year old and sitting at a fat doctor. Going to your pediatrician because you have a cold and he scoffs when your dad asks if it’s safe for you to take the prescription at 11 because “she’s 200 pounds” is an unforgettable experience.

Thinking about this stuff makes me reassess why I’m so comfortable only acknowledging Randall’s family line. Randall’s life reminds me of the current me. The one who has taken my trials and built the life I want despite the difficulties. Kate’s inability to move beyond her childhood hurts makes me face the fact that I still have work to do to heal little Cae.

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Could You Be Any Blacker?

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So before you ask, no this is not a sequel to You’re Already Black Enough. Thank Goodness!

This is about being comfortable enough in my Blackness that I wear it, literally. 


So I posted this picture and one of my dearest friends texted me with a screenshot of my IG post and jokingly asked “Could you be any Blacker 😂😏” 

The evidence of the abundant presence of melanin, that fro, those earrings and my sweatshirt reppin my and my ancestors’ home determines that I can’t. 

Tenor: Sigh GIF

I probably can as I’m learning to unabashedly express my identity through my attire even though it’s uncomfortable even around Black people because white supremacy messes with all of us, but anyway…

I’m grateful that I came across Chocolate Ancestor, LLC on Instagram because their selection of witty quote, look dope, stay woke apparel has this Black Millennial in online shopping heaven!

Soooooo many selections to choose from and they have baby stuff too! 

After I made my selection,I chose my size and it came in the mail a few days later. 

To my pleasant plus sized surprise, the sweatshirt is true to advertised size and it feels so good! They start at $28.50 and if you use this link, Money Off, you’ll get a discount off your first purchase! 

Here’s another little sneak peek at some of their products.

Go check them out, #OhCAE?!

P.S. The “I Rock Dope Hair” Earrings can be bought here at Naturally Flyy Detroit

You’re Already Black Enough 

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Two years ago, I went on a prilgramage through Israel. I walked on land I’ve read about all my life. I stood in places that I had only imagined. I was baptized in the Jordan, took a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee while listening to “How Great Is Our God” and I swam in the Dead Sea. The entire experience was life altering. Some memories are recorded here on my blog, some are pictured on Facebook, but there’s one I haven’t wanted to share until now. 

Picture it Israel 2015…

It was around 75 degrees outside and kinda cloudy so not exactly why I’d consider swimming weather, but I definitely didn’t want to come all the way to the Dead Sea and not get in! I’m the queen of just doing stuff to say that I did it. (A blog all by itself!) 

But I didn’t wanna just do it for the fun of it. We were told that the sea is dead because it’s so salty that it kills any species of animal that tries to live in it. It also has so many minerals in the thick clay textured mud at the bottom of the sea that acts as an exfoliant. 

So here I am swimming and playing in the sea just enjoying my life. 

And I noticed that people are putting the mud on their bodies. They have it on their arms, legs and faces. I hear them talking about how good it feels! So naturally, I have to join in. I’m not gonna miss an experience! (Especially since I’d already had a great olive scrub facial days before.) 

So I joined in the fun! I could barely stand in the mud. It was so thick and sticky, but each scoop felt amazing in my hands and I loved how it felt on my skin. I knew I looked as hilarious and childlike as everyone else so I had a friend snap a pic. 


I got back in the water and that’s when he said it. “Claricha, you don’t need that. You’re already Black enough.”


(I wish this guy was Black, btw.)

I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I didn’t even know if it was really happening. Before I could gather my spinning thoughts of “Did he just say?” “Lord, I know You don’t want me to go off in the middle of the Dead Sea!” “He really said that to me? To me?!” he had gleefully swam away. 

That night I sought counsel from a female Black pastor who I’d bonded with on the trip. She helped me come up with a script so that I could address the statement and the next morning I delivered. 

But here I am two years later, to the day, still stunned by how easily those words flowed from his mouth and how LEGITIMATELY shocked he was by my offense to the statement. He had no idea it sounded racist until I told him. 

As a young person, I know how to relate to seasoned people. As a woman, I know how to be successful in a man’s world. As a Black person, I know how to live in a Whitewashed culture.

The opposite is rarely true. Privileged people are privileged because they have the luxury of living life without ever considering  how their words and actions could be perceived by people in other groups. 

This is just another example of why it’s sometimes a hard choice live life as a Black Christian. Church culture and Christianity don’t shield us from the unintentional and intentional traumatic Anti-Black or racist acts/words. 

OhCAE… I’m done. 

I Know You Probably Believe That

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OhCAE, y’all. I’m just gonna sum this one up before I really get into it. Sometimes you just have to let people live in their reality. 

I know it’s annoying when people hold certain beliefs, but you have to know those thoughts come from somewhere. And sometimes you just have to be content with living contrary to their beliefs. 

Octavia Spencer’s character, Dorothy Vaughn, in Hidden Figures was undoubtedly my  favorite. Not only was the epitome of “Each one reach one” with her refusal to take a promotion if her whole squad couldn’t come because she took it upon herself to teach them what she taught herself. 


#SquadGoals

But she also didn’t have a problem letting people just live with their thoughts.

In the scene where Dorothy was in the bathroom with the white lady, who had been a stereotypical white lady throughout the whole movie, 

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Mrs. Mitchell said to her “You know, Dorothy, despite what you may think I have nothing against y’all.”

Dorothy stops mid stride turns around and with a gentle smile she responds, “I know. And I know you probably believe that.” 


(☝🏾☝🏾 actual picture of me and my friends when she said that. lol)

But seriously though, Dorothy’s response just sits with me. It’s exactly how I want to respond every time I hear a white person say “I’m not a racist but…” Like… Yes, you are but I’ll just let you live because white supremacy and anti-Blackness are so tightly woven into the fabric of our global society that people think their sentiments are normal. They believe that they’re one of the good ones because they’ve never physically harmed anyone. They have no idea how their unwillingness to see how they’ve participated in blocking opportunities for POC and all of their other microaggreessive acts are racist. 

I spend a lot of time trying to educate and spread knowledge to ignorant people, but I’m taking a page from Mrs. Vaughn’s book that is summed up by this profound lyric…

Let people live with their delusions. Provide the counternarrative with your life. 

OhCAE?!

Believe Just Because You Can

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I have learned something recently that it so simple that it’s hard to comprehend. If you want to believe in something, just believe. Did you get that? If you want to think something is true then just think it. And when you are convinced that it’s true, you’ll start to act as if you believe it. 

I really wanted to believe that God’s word is true when it says ask and it shall be given, but in order to show I believed it I had to ask and expect that I’d get what I asked for.
It’s hard to believe God will give you something you don’t even want. That’s why it’s important to meditate on the Word. The Gospel according to John tells us the God is His Word and Jesus is the Word wrapped in flesh. When you meditate on it, you meditate on Him. Before you know it, His thoughts are yours. Your desires are His. 

You’ll be able to move past wanting random things and getting disappointed because you can’t have them. 

As you meditate, you’ll learn to wait. I don’t just mean sit idly, I mean to really wait on God. You’ll know the difference because the bible says that waiting on God will increase and renew your strength. If waiting is making you weaker, assess yourself. Are you being purposeful or doubtful? 

It’s hard to believe God for some things, but He knows that so He gives us faith. So believe because you can. 

OhCAE?

Melanin = Dangerous

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Once I was in the pool at my apartment complex with my friends. There was a group of guys across from us standing around talking. We weren’t paying attention until one of them said “Swear to God, you never tried coke before?” The others also seemed shocked that the guy they were talking to had never tried it.
This came to mind as I read comments about #ChristianTaylor wasn’t just a regular college student because he was clearly on drugs. He was a law breaking thug.
I lived a relatively kosher life as a college student, but still was very aware of the ease at which I could get access to anything. Maybe I was just a potential thug.

Or maybe we just really have an issue with prescribing specific labels to only Black people. 

OhCAE. I’m done. No need to go too deep with this one. 

Dear All Lives Matter

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Dear All Lives Matter,

The schools of Detroit Public Schools (DPS) are being stripped. The teachers are being forced out and being made to look like the villains. Before you know it, DPS won’t exist. Children are being forced to go to schools that don’t have heat, updated books, or enough certified teachers to teach. Everyone knows that a quality education is one of the prerequisites to a successful life. The lives of those children matter because all lives matter.

You might have heard about the Sick Outs, but just in case you haven’t let me catch you up. DPS teachers are calling in sick, in droves. So many are calling in because they really are sick. They’re sick of losing their benefits. They’re sick of taking paycuts. They’re sick of having to teach 40 students per class. They are sick of losing funding. They are sick of being blamed for the failing system. They are sick of knowing that their school district is being intentionally and systematically dismantled by the institution that claims to be supporting them, the state. They are sick of not being able to live lives like people with full time jobs. Their lives and livelihoods matter because all lives matter. So yea, they’re sick, but probably not as sick as our neighbors in Flint.

I know you know about the genocide poisoning unfortunate event that is the lead filled water that’s plaguing the city of Flint. So far, only ten people have died. You and I know that even ten is too many because all lives matter. Different organizations are working together to donate bottled water to the citizens of Flint. This needs to happen because city officials have officially declared that the brown colored water is safe to drink and bathe in.

Detroit and Flint used to be heavily populated cities. They attracted lots of people in decades past because so many jobs were available in car plants. Over the years, the jobs were moved to the suburbs, but the people (who couldn’t afford to move) stayed. Schools are funded based on the property values of the homes surrounding the schools. If neighborhoods are poor so are the schools. Poor schools lose resources and materials. Then, class sizes increase and test scores decrease. The government uses the test information as proof that the teachers, administrators and school board are inept and the solution is for the state to take over. This happened in both Detroit and Flint.

I could say more, but I want this message to reach the people it’s intended to reach before I divulge more details about the crimes being committed against Black people of color  poor people citizens of Michigan so please send this to the leaders of All Lives Matter of Michigan.

Fundamentally, we agree. All lives matter. The way we show that is different though. Let’s meet and discuss this.

Peace,

CAE

P.S. Please tell the modern day slave auctioneers who break up families  Child Protective Services (CPS) that it isn’t ok for them to come and take citizens of Flint’s children because they are refusing to pay water bills for polluted water.