CAE to CAF: Transition Complete

In the fall of 2017, Tyrone and I decided we wanted to get married to each other. Somewhere between October and December, I told my parents, pastors, and close friends.

In January 2018, I told my family. After that, there was no turning back for me. Because I went from never having a boyfriend to “me and Tyrone have decided to get married.” It was a lot for everybody and we were sure before sharing that with them cuz I know it’d be super hard to walk that back.

Anywho… after I told them, I started composing my vows and speech.

I have an email thread to myself that I sent different thoughts and promises to whenever I thought of them. The thread began in January, 2018, one whole year before Tyrone proposed. So it encompasses memories of years in the past, sentiments from our grad school experiences together, prayers I prayed about being a wife, poetry and music.

Nearly 2 years for a writer to write one piece that will only take minutes to present.

Well… here it is.

When I was in Israel, I remember looking up at the landscape, taking in its beauty and thinking “I wish Tyrone was here to write the words to the songs I see.” Long before I realized you were my husband, I knew that you knew the lyrics of my heart’s song. 

You are a reminder that the Father knows what I have need of before I ask because you are the answer to the prayer I was afraid to pray. 

Tyrone, you are life giving. 

To me, you are water. 

Not only are you good for me, you’re a major part of my make up. 

I drink you and I’m satiated. 

I drink you and I’m refreshed. 

I drink you and my energy is replenished. 

I drink you even when my body, memory and desires say to drink something else because I know you are always best for me. 

Tyrone, you’re my elbow. You help me to be flexible. You give me connection and mobility. You are my feet. You allowed me to walk into a space that I couldn’t get to without you. 

You are my appendix. You’re part of God’s design for my body, but no one even understands our purpose yet. You’re my appendix. I COULD live without you, but I don’t want to. 

And as scientists continue to search, test and discover the purpose of the appendix, I vow to search the scripture and seek the Lord for His purpose for placing you inside me. 

You make all the cliches about love make sense. 

You’re my hero. You saved the day and I’ve never been a damsel nor in distress. 

I recognize the privilege I have that I have a safe person. You’ve been my safe place for a very long time. And I couldn’t be the woman I am if God didn’t give me you. You are home to me. 

Since music is how we started, I find it appropriate to share that you make me feel like music. You are intelligible words to inexplicable feelings. You are the manifestation of the unfathomable.

Songwriter says, imma movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together. I’m good all by myself, but baby you, you make me better.

You’re my support system. 

Can’t live without him. 

The best thing since sliced bread is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch. And I just want the whole world to know about my

Black brotha, I love ya. I’ll never try to hurt ya. I want you to know that I’m here for you for whatever true. Black brotha, strong brotha, there is no one above ya. I want ya to know that I’m here for you for whatever true.

Love is a gamble and I’m so glad that I am winning. We’ve come a long way and this is just the beginning.

So, I promise to make music with you, to perfect my part of the harmonies, to match your tone in unison, and to appreciate and learn from the dissonance. I vow to share my parents with you and to honor yours as my own. 

I promise to submit to you as you love me as Christ loves the church. I promise to pray fervently for you. 

I vow to be your rib. By that I mean, I’ll be by your side, helping you to stand and part of what protects your heart. 

I promise to invest in every God given gift that you invest in and to remind you to stir up the ones you’ve forgotten or purposely abandoned. 

I vow to always choose you and to keep choosing you even when it’s hard. 

I promise to love you through the good and the bad. The trial and the triumph. 

Before you, I found myself in love a few times. I found myself there because I fell in love and I fell hard and with each of those falls I inevitably broke something. 

But with you, I don’t fall in love. With you, I walk in love. I’m walking into love with you logically and intentionally. We entered into this unconventionally and I like that. Instead of falling, I stood and sober mindedly walked into love with you and it has been one of my best decisions to date.

Because you have made scripture come alive for me. Just like Adam looked at Eve and saw himself, when I look at you, I see me. 

I hear about you when I’m listening to other books too. Like when the main character in Fahrenheit 451 said, ““…for how many people did you know who refracted your own light to you?… How rarely did other people’s faces take of you and throw back to you your own expression, your own innermost trembling thought?”

It’s an honor to be united with someone who’s as serious, committed and excited to destroy generational curses as you are. 

You are the co-writer to my unborn children’s songs. 

When we moved the bed, I saw your visual intelligence and thanked God for making you a visionary. 

I am so impressed by your use of your gifts. I am grateful to make these vows to you in this space and in this time. 

The last time I facilitated group, you had a moment when you wanted to share something but you hadn’t quite thought it out yet. So, collectively, we stopped and waited for you to share your thoughts as you gathered them. 

As I did on that day, I will wait for you. I anticipate your announcement that my pace needs to just slow down but to actually take a pause to make room for you to bring clarity.

At two separate times, I composed a similar sentiment. So I decided to say them both today.

I’m grateful for your past. I promise myself to your current self and to your future self. I commit to your potential. I vow to pray for and with you until it’s realized manifested.

I honor who you were. 

I celebrate who you are. 

I eagerly anticipate who you will be. 

Thank you for making it worth it to change my identity. I gladly lay down my identity as just Cae to pick up your name as my own. 

I’ll never forget the years we spent apart. It helped me see what it’s like to live without you and now I know for sure I’d never want to live without you again. 

Partner in love. 

Partner in strife. 

On this day of becoming your wife, I’d like to declare before everyone that I’m your partner for life. 

 —-

Claricha writes, OhCAE?

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